Shuttin' Dumbass Down

....The proposed home of "Mr. Average American" John Rich

.....Ah, patriotism. Flag-waving is as old as, well, the flag. But with today's if-you-don't-hate-Mohammed-you're-a-traitor mentality among small-minded America amping up like Skynyrd at the tractor-pull halftime show, the timing was right for another Toby Keith wannabe to milk the unwashed and untoothed masses for every buck that they don't spend on their trucks.

.....Enter John Rich.

.....Half of the glam-country duo Big and Rich, famous for both homophobia and a song called "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy"(a phrase that's been heard in many a gay bar...go figure!), Rich reacted to his partner's one-year sidelining from an auto accident neck injury the way any best friend would do - he made a solo album. Friendship is one thing, but don't be interrupting the cash flow, motherfucker.

.....His latest salvo from said album is "Shuttin' Detroit Down", tapping the lowest common denominator (whose minions probably don't know what "denominator" means) in his lament about those Wall Street revenuers that are taking those huge bonuses while Mr. Country America has to pay. (What, they have to give up giant tires?) It has its "countryisms", also known as "butchering the language". The, ahem, richest phrase in the song is "that New York City town". Not too redundant. Yee-haw! Mr. Rich is now hitting the TV (not literally) on the likes of Good Morning America and Late Night With Jimmy Fallon flogging the thing to death, complete with a dedication to hard-working Americans at the beginning and a hearty "God Bless America" at the end. (This coming from the man who recently rationalized drinking by saying, "I think we all know Jesus didn’t turn the water into Dr Pepper". Nice.)

.....The Detroit he refers to, of course, is the one where the auto industry has been based here since it began. You know, the people that made worse cars to use more gas for more money, then got the unions to price themselves out of the market and now wonder what went wrong.

.....Never mind that Rich is also known for proposing the monstrosity of a cornpone castle known as "Villa Rich" (pictured above), which made his neighbors see him as the local fat-cat, with more fat than class. Do his fans know he isn't exactly a skinny-cat himself? The irony is insane. It would behoove a good investigative reporter, one of those who keep announcing how much every business executive in this county makes nowadays, to look into Rich's bankbook and show those whose IQs are lower than the number on their favorite NASCAR horseless carriage just who's calling the kettle black.

.....Get to it, America. Let's find out which country his bus and car and instruments come from. Ch-ching!