Sometimes You Just Cun't Win

Bristol Palin or drag queen as Stevie Nicks?

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.....End times are obviously near. The proof? For only the third time in its dozen-year history, Dancing With The Stars (Or People You've Kind Of Heard Of, Or Maybe Their Relatives) was won by an actual star. Despite chronic injury pain, actress Jennifer Grey took on all comers.

.....Unfortunately for Grey, she may be all but forgotten because of the Whore of Wasilla. Yes, Bristol Palin's very presence on that ooh-look-something-shiny, C-list clusterfuck of a show was the ratings grabber, which now means that ABC will veer even farther from the path of actual 'stars'. Expect O.J. Simpson to faux-trot next year. Baby-Mama Grizzly (and her Mama Grisly) learned the hard way that her hellbilly voting bloc wasn't as large as she thought (or maybe they just don't know how to use those newfangled phones and 'puter boxes). Like her mama, she forgot that the election results had already proven that by numbers alone she remains an also-ran on her best day, despite pulling out all the sexuality on the dance floor that caused the pregnancy (or possibly pregnancies) that is the only reason we ever noticed her in the first place.

.....Bristol's big vocal moments on the show were very telling. Announcing that a win would be a "big middle finger" to Palin-haters showed that she knew how she got there, that "stardom" or anticipated dancing skill had nothing to do with it. If she didn't realize it at first, she now knows that she was the comic relief, the pudgy rodeo clown, the gotta-pee break reason, the thing to laugh at and dismiss for anyone who knows the difference between "there" and "their". And her final onscreen thoughts? "I've had the time of my life." I'm sure she had no idea she was spouting the name of the theme song from the film that made Jennifer Grey a household name. That alone was worth watching the season for.

.....Maybe Bristol will go back to Alaska and finally return to her true calling in life - poppin' out younguns. But I doubt it. Babe is now a pig in the city, and she's staying. Which will give America years more material to laugh at in the continuing saga of The Washington Hillbillies. Thanks, BP!