The Palin Problem: Watch What You Wish For

John McCain has created a monster...and he knows it. And it's too late now.

This Sarah Palin thing. I'm sure he thought it was genius, and on some levels it was. Choose a woman to prove that women are so easily swayed and gender-biased that they probably don't really deserve the vote, at least not after this election. Get one that looks like the naughty librarian from all the porno movies - you just know that once the doors are closed the glasses come off, the hair comes down and she's on Daddy's lap for dick-tation. (Cindy may reeeeally have a problem with this down the road. I'm sure she's already hiding the cigars.) And by all means, choose someone next to nothing is known about, so the skeletons don't have time to fall out of the closet before election time.

Well, not too many anyway. It's already known even to the stupidest American (say, Laura "The Joker" Bush) that Sarah Palin is obviously into child abuse. Naming your son Trig or Track is definitely child abuse, after all. Or maybe she is just naming them after her favorite high school subjects. Why isn't her daughter named Home Ec? Notice she has no kids named Sex Ed, because she obviously sucks at that!

But the black lining on the silver rainbow cloud that is Sarah Palin is already becoming apparent, even to Old Grand-dad. If McCain wins the election, he will have to face the fact that the ONLY reason he won is that he put some tits on. He already knows that everyone now hopes he wins...and dies within a week after winning so Sarah can take her rightful spot as President. After all, no one wants to jerk off to a press conference with McCain at the podium. Give us the bitch, and put some whipped cream on her! We're all going to die very soon now that America has no ecosystem, or defense, or sense. Why not go out stroking to a hot bimbo?

And she is a bimbo. If she ever actually has to make a real decision concerning the future of our country, she will be locked in the bathroom rocking back and forth on the toilet looking at a bottle of Lortab before you can say "Come out, the kids were just kidding". She made a great speech at the Convention....which just proves that she can read. That alone puts her ahead of McCain. Maybe she should teach Bristol to read condom wrappers.

Remember that speech? McCain was looking like the nerd that beat the cool guy, practically drooling on her shoulder. His own speech there was laced with creepy Beavis-and-Butthead chortling. Closest he'll come to a hard-on this decade. But now it's sinking in. When Palin is speaking, McCain is beside her- looking into the crowd for guns, staring into space and realizing that if she had run against him in the primary he'd be in a nursing home by now. He knows that no one wants to hear him speak when they could be hearing her. John McCain has made himself obsolete in lightning speed. Sarah Palin is larger than his swollen left cheek, larger than his political profile. Larger than his prostate.

So with two months to go, things are tense. There's always the chance that some actual facts will leak about Palin's record or lack thereof that may not be pretty. Or better yet, the shit will really hit the fan when McCain croaks of natural causes in February or so, and Ms. Porno raises taxes to pay for tampons in private schools. And, thanks to letting the nyah-nyah factor decide his choice for the second most important job in the world, John McCain has doomed himself, and America, to the whims of women, whom he never wanted to have a choice to begin with. Oops.

What's the difference between Sarah Palin and a pit bull? One is a soulless, hostile bitch who can attack for no reason and turn on its master at any minute....and the other one is a dog. Just remember, you begged for it!